In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
