im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
