I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
