Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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