My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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