I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
