It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
