her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
