Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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