no, he came in my armpit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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