im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
