I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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