Porn is love you can see.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
