I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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