1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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