Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We just shotgunned beers for America
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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