So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
