You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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