Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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