i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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