i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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