shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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