At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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