I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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