i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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