I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
