Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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