Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
