Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
