I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
