i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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