Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
