i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
