Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
