maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
