Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
