Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
