hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
