I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
