Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
