the condom got lost in my hair
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
