Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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