how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
