I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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