my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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