So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
