The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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