So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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