Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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