ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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