i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
