I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
