"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
