...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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