it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
