guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
