i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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