conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
