lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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