im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
