Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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