You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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