as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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