her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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