how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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