This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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