My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
