the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
