I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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