I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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