dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
