I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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