Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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