If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
