I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
