apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
