Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
