Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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