shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
