I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
