It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
