Whod you bang
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
