You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
